Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
