She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
