And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
