We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
