You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
