I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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