WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
