if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
