How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize