Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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