I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
