My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im holly from the hills drunk
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
