i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
