i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
