We're facebook friends in real life
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
