i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
