I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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