Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
