its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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