just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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