i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
