At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
