Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I didn't notice because vodka
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
