How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm getting married
To pizza
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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