I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
