Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
