I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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