I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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