i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you win again, gameday.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
