it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
