U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
