We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
