my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
