Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
