Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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