So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
