So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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