Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
