someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
