I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
