You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
