Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
