Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
