They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
