So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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