i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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