So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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