Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
