Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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