Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
