I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come share oat with me in your robe
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
