guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
