I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
