once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
