I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
