First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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