i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize