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Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
