You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
