Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
