I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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