Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
