I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
