He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You have to summon your inner elephant
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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