My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
