was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
