did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i now understand why vodka
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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