Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
