You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
