I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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