So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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