my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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