nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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