His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
