there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
