is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And then he peed in my hair
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