I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
