waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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