Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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